You have already been with me through so much… When I never expected you to stick by my side, you did…
I am so amazed by you… And so grateful.
Today, I gave you an out if you wanted.
I never want you to feel obligated… Ever.
You don’t need to be tied down to something as awful as this.
I’m a reck… A fucking train reck…
And I told you that.
And all you said in response was “No… Not really, more like a rollercoaster.”
And, that’s true also.
I don’t deny that. I admit to being a rollercoaster, a reck… I admit it all.
I wholeheartedly believe it.
Because its a fact.
I’m not looking for someone to lie to me, or sugarcoat shit.
I’m not looking for someone to avoid it or deny it about me.
You have been through everything with me.
And I want you to be happy! Which is why I said that… If you wanted to leave… You can.
I don’t want you to. And as much as I hate to admit it… I need you.
So… Although I meant it when I said you could leave anytime…
I really hoped you would’ve said “Yes, you are a rollercoaster…
But you’re worth it.”
Because… Even though… I am so… Happy… To the point where I’ve had to fight tears when you hold me sometimes… That you’re still here…
I need… To hear… That I’m worth this…
Because I just don’t understand.
I am so grateful… And I shouldn’t question your love… And compassion…
But I just don’t understand.
I need to hear that I’m worth this. Because I don’t believe I am.